Order! Order! Order! Order! The Opposition Member for Thingumajig and the Opposition Member for Jiggamatite will resume their seats. Park your arses! This house needs some decorum and as sure as I’m a big ‘L’ Liberal, I’m going to make sure it happens – our way – our holier than thou way – which sure as hell entitles us to be absolute pricks and get away with it.
In this role as Speaker, I honour my pledge to act impartially. I mean to be impartial and I’m mean too, so watch out you ridiculous rabble on the left.
Order! Order! Order! Order! Infectious laughter will not be tolerated. I intend to be taken seriously. The Opposition Member for Shenanigans will leave the chamber for calling me an FNTV. The Manager of Opposition Business, Tony Burke will apologise for calling me biased and incompetent. How could I be biased or incompetent? I’m just an FNTV.
I call on the Leader of the House, Christopher Pyne to snot Mr Burke for castigating me for allegedly, improperly, allegedly using my private dining room for an alleged Liberal party fundraiser. Mr Burke will then leave the chamber under Standing Order I8U.
I am presently attending to important business in another chamber and will resume the chair in 10 minutes. Damn! There’s no toilet paper.
The Labor Member for Shemozzle will leave the chamber for wetting herself from laughter. Such impropriety will not be tolerated.
That’s the last time I use CCTV for doing my business.
Link to related article from The Sydney Morning Herald of 31 May 2014 by Kathryn Wicks
Bronwyn Bishop: The Bradman of Speakers
The opposition is always ejected from Parliament more often, but this Speaker’s record is a standout.
1 April 2013 – coincidentally April Fools’ Day
If you are suffering from insomnia – here’s a sure-fire cure – just read this post:
I’m dreaming of an early election
just like the ones I used to know
Where the Liberals glisten and voters listen
to hear good news on election night
I’m dreaming of an early election
with every press release I write
May your days be merry and bright
and may all your preferences be right
Repeated ad nauseam – with no accompaniment – that might come later
Still awake? This should do the trick:
Christopher Pyne joins Insiders – Manager of Opposition business in the House Christopher Pyne discusses Labor’s spill and the likelihood of an early election.
You really are a hard case aren’t you! Well, read this news.com.au piece and you will be off to nod-nod-land on no time:
Negotiations with key independents are ”making progress” to secure support for a no-confidence motion in the Federal Government, Opposition education spokesman Christopher Pyne says.
Mr Pyne says he has talked with crossbench MPs since the Opposition announced a motion of no-confidence had been placed on Parliament’s notice paper.
”I am confident that we are making progress, but that remains to be seen when the debate is held and the motion is put,” he told reporters in Adelaide today.
Mr Pyne said at least one crossbench MP had indicated that budget week would not be an appropriate time for such a debate, effectively pushing it into the following week.
”We want to maximise our chances of bringing the government to an election and that means we’ll listen very closely to the crossbenchers and what they want,” he said.
Independent MP Tony Windsor said Mr Pyne had not spoken with him about the no-confidence motion.
”He hasn’t raised it with me,” Mr Windsor told AAP.
”They will be trying to milk it for the next five to six weeks to try to create some pressure in the electorate, but that sort of stuff doesn’t have an impact on me.”
Mr Windsor said he was happy to listen to ”legitimate argument” on the matter.
Another crossbencher, Craig Thomson, said he would be meeting with other independents in coming weeks.
”But at this point I am not inclined to support the motion because I believe Tony Abbott would be bad for the central coast and for Australia,” Mr Thomson told AAP.