‘I’LL DO THE GAGS’ SHORTEN: ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING A MARXIST?

Good evening and thanks for joining us. You look ridiculous.
You need all the joining you can get. You at the ABC are falling apart. Funding cuts must be taking their toll if they employ cheap shots like you to throw cheap shots at people like me.
You are making a mockery of your role as opposition leader.
I did not come here to be insulted.
Why? Where do you normally go?
I have come here for a serious political interview, not a Marx Brothers routine. And by the way, I’ll do the gags.
With due respect Mr Shorten, it was you who started this fiasco in Marxisms.
Are you accusing me of being a Marxist?
I think I am losing the will to live.

MALCOLM TURNBULL – BACK TO THE FUTURE

Hello my dear Liberal Party switchboard operator. Please put me through to NBN Co – that’s the National Broadband Network Company – if my carrier pigeon didn’t arrive there 30 minutes ago.

No need to get smart with me! I know broadband hasn’t been invented yet. I’m trying to get back to the future.

I hate being yesterday’s man. I’m a social progressive. I’m a republican. I believe in gay marriage. I’m social media savvy. And you should see the way I dress. But here I am stuck in the past, in this party that makes time go backwards – ever since I lost control, that is.

Did you say, “Lost control of your senses”?