Tagged: Canberra

Tony Abbott

 

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That flagpole cost four million dollars plus. All that public money just to hold up a piece of cloth. Such a terrible waste.

I admit it was Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser who commissioned the new Parliament House with that phallic symbol. Rather apt for an arrogant prick like him to epitomize himself on a grandiose scale. He’s a turncoat Liberal deserter.

Speaking of grandiose, I know Australians hate grandiosity, including big words like that. Anything grandiose or high-flown, like that flagpole makes them cringe.

Ah yes, the great Australian cringe. That’s the secret of my success. Australians love to cringe.

That’s why I’m PM. I am fantastic cringe material. I make Australians cringe. I make them feel so uncomfortable having me as prime minister. They cringe so much that they love me. If they love to cringe and I make them cringe, they must love me. It’s perfect logic.

Which brings me to the reason I have called this press conference.

You are all aware of a document leaked by my department that exposes my scheme, which I cannot reveal because it is the subject of an internal investigation. However, I can reveal that it relates to a plan to make Australians cringe to unprecedented degrees. And yes, it does involve dismantling that flagpole.

Might I say however, that nothing could be more Abbottesque to adorn Capital Hill than me, my Speedos and a giant Hills Hoist. And the Union Jack of course – would be un-Australia to ignore that. Australians will love me for it.

I suspect the leak culprit is Peta Credlin, my chief of staff who thought my idea was ridiculous – too cringe-worthy for my own good, she told me. How ridiculous to call me ridiculous. I’m the expert on cringeworthiness. She thinks my ego is out of control.

She does not realise that my ego and the great Australian cringe are a match made in heaven.

When you journos write your columns, please make your readers cringe. If you don’t, my grandiose gesture to the people of Australia might never eventuate. That would be such a terrible waste.

Menzies: I did but see her passing by

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In retrospect: What he said and what she might have thought. 

It was at Parliament House where Prime Minister Robert Menzies, a devout royalist, was to quote the 17th century words of Thomas Ford: “I did but see her passing by, and yet I love her till I die.”

Sir William Heseltine Private Secretary to HM the Queen 1986-1990: “It was one of the very few occasions I think Sir Robert misjudged his audience. And I can remember that there was a frisson of embarrassment and this was perhaps reflected on the Queen’s own look on that occasion.”

Was Her Majesty squeamish? Take a look at the video