KEOGH CARTOONS

The 2025 election is looming, and you have not delivered on key environmental promises from the last election.  
That’s right. In fact, we have gone backwards on climate. Labor has approved new and expanded coal mines and gas fields, and Australia is progressing as one of the world’s biggest carbon exporters. 
And we are getting away with it – our polling shows no electoral backlash. That’s pretty impressive, don’t you think? 

So, when you made those election promises, you knew damn well they weren’t going to happen. 
Listen here. I’m a politician, and a very cunning one at that. People turn a blind eye to broken promises if it suits them. Voter apathy is a wonderful thing for pollies, and apathy about climate action is alive and well amongst Australians, God bless them!

Does it not occur to you that other nations burning our fossil fuels will damage our own at-risk environment, through climate change?
If people want to feel all warm and fuzzy about the environment, they can go to a fauna park and cuddle a koala. They can leave the business side of things to me.

By that, you mean with your friends in the fossil fuel sector – the lobby that has you wrapped around its little finger. 
Listen here. Australia’s modern-day wealth has come from big business digging holes in the ground and shipping the extracts overseas. We should be grateful to these people.

So, you have no environmental conscience at all.
Better fly. I’m off to the local ALP branch for a galah event. Squawk!

REFERENCE:

Greenpeace
https://www.greenpeace.org.au/article/labor-abandons-its-nature-promise

Peter Dutton calls a media briefing. No video or audio allowed – only written notes:

I am here to declare that my much-touted nuclear energy policy is a contrived load of disingenuous nonsense. 

My assertion that the cost will be hundreds of billions of dollars less than Labor’s renewables-only approach was a sham. Quite rightly, experts soon realised that my plan is vastly more expensive.

Household electricity bills will not decrease as I said. They will increase, and analysts were quick to prove they would rise by $600 a year, minimum.

Building seven nuclear reactors will take decades longer than I stated. Therefore, Australia’s zero carbon emissions deadline will be delayed by at least 25 years. This is causing huge opposition to my plan, just as I expected.

Federal, state and territory governments would all need to overturn their respective nuclear bans, and the chances of that are miniscule. 

So, why did I concoct a deliberately flawed policy? It’s all part of my grand plan:

I want all of you to use this bombshell to smash me like ten-pins in a bowling alley. Then I will play the poor victim, complaining your scathing reports of a backflip are malicious fake news.

If you don’t play ball, I could make your future credibility as journalists very tenuous. Get my message? Get the drift? [Wink, wink]

People will feel sorry for me, for your shabby treatment, and give me their sympathy votes. Before you know it, I will be prime minister.

Fake news, lies, contradictions and confusion, mixed with insanity work brilliantly for my hero, Donald Trump and I’m a shoo-in.       

I haven’t even got serious about insanity yet, and I’m already leading the preferred PM polling. 

REFERENCE:

https://theconversation.com/the-coalition-reveals-the-cost-of-its-nuclear-power-plan-but-the-devil-is-in-the-missing-detail-245576

In creating this illustration, I chose Coca Cola as the most definitive symbol of the consumerist age. I am not suggesting that the carbonated drink is causing the ruination of the planet. We all know the carbonated atmosphere is the problem.

As our sweltering planet struggles with the pressures of global warming, it can only blame relentless consumerism which drives deforestation and carbon emissions.

Let’s imagine Planet Earth’s musings: 

Those ungrateful human beings! I gave them a sustainable planet with a beautiful environment and perfectly balanced ecosystems, and they are ruining everything. 

They just don’t treat me with the respect I deserve.

Now there are 8 billion humans, and it’s just too much to bear.

Where, oh where can I buy some relief?

Wife: Darling, please stop swearing and cursing petrol companies when the kids are in the car. They’ll think they are growing up in a world dominated by opportunistic corporate greed.

Husband: OK. These charming people always jack their prices up for school holidays. They might as well paint signage on petrol stations with what they really think of us, like suffer, diddums, stuff you. We’re helpless, and they know it.

Wife: Stop the car and I’ll give you a nice Valium. Then I’ll drive and we can try to enjoy our holiday.

Husband: Good idea, but I want to know why they can get away with it.

Answer per Allan Fels former head of the ACCC: In short, firms are free to charge as much as they like. They can price gouge lawfully as long as there is no unlawful collusion. 

Husband: Well, that’s a fu.. err friggin’ disgrace. Professor Fels said that almost a year ago, and nothing has changed. Meanwhile, big businesses cause real hardship and sacrifice, according to Fels.

Wife: Let’s play ‘I Spy’. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with B – P.

Husband: Bloodsucking parasites.

REFERENCE:

https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/8513368/high-living-costs-strain-australian-families-alan-fels

All too often, women who are only even slightly overweight, are out-and-out rejects in the eyes of sexist ockers who dismally fail the same test. 

The hypocrisy is breathtaking, but these blokes apparently do not realise it. Are they totally self-delusional? Anything less than perfection in female appearance is unacceptable, but they are typically far from Prince Charming themselves.

As if women need to fear rejection by these men in whom they would have absolutely no interest. 

I have witnessed this deluded behaviour many times. I always see red, and say something like, “You are not exactly Tom Cruise yourself, if you don’t mind”. Reactions are usually stunned, quizzical looks of puzzlement. They just don’t get it.

How could any woman possibly resist these classic male chauvinists, complete with beer guts, stubbie shorts, smelly armpits, rough language, and usually accompanied by clones, who are always called “mate”?

The answer: Very easily.

In a recent Australian National University (ANU) study into democracy in Australia, 48.8% of respondents agreed that politicians are corrupt.

Certain unwise parliamentarians are attempting to debunk the figure, and so, stupidly proving what they are trying to disprove – mistrust.

48.8% is an unflattering statistic and begs the question: Who would want to be a politician with the associated stigma?

Here we have a candidate who is not phased:

VOTE 1 HONEST JOHN – INDEPENDENT

Nearly half of all Australian voters think politicians are corrupt. So, I’m your man to fit the bill for what you have come to expect of pollies. 

After an illustrious bureaucratic career, specialising in government projects and private sector graft, I am as crooked as you can get.

I am not standing for this seat for the nice salary and all the perks – I am already filthy rich. I have decided to become philanthropic and make a hero of myself.

As your local MP, I will build a state-of-the-art public hospital, in my name, as quickly as you can say, “Honest John gets things done”. I already have the necessary multimillions of dollars in a certain European bank. 

I won’t get caught for dirty money – it has been well and truly laundered. Who needs scruples when you have a candidate like me?

I might be crooked, but I know you don’t care because I will get things done for you.

REFERENCE:

https://www.anu.edu.au/news/all-news/young-aussies-satisfied-with-direction-of-country-amid-voter-power-shift

Prasinophobia is an intense and irrational fear of the colour green. One notable sufferer of this phobia is Anthony Albanese, whose symptoms manifest in applying extreme heat to anybody showing pro-green tendencies – even his own environment minister. Tanya Plibersek was well and truly cooked, and rendered almost ineffectual in the last week of parliament for 2024.

Plibersek had secured Greens support for a bill to establish the first national Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), a watchdog which would enforce nature regulations, as promised by Labor at the last election. But she dared to appear pro-green in the process. 

On hearing about this, Albanese suffered a severe attack. He trashed the deal without informing Plibersek that her bill was dead. 
According to the Sydney Morning Herald, 27 November 2024:
“This masthead has been told the prime minister did not want a Labor-Greens environment deal that could be weaponised by the federal opposition and the resources sector before the next election, and lead to a potential scare campaign.”

It is not clear whether the plan for the EPA is now definitely dead, but the issue is set to remain live over summer, with Labor’s left faction, of which Plibersek is part, furious the election pledge was shelved until 2025.

Running on her remaining scant reserves of credibility, Ms Plibersek is promising to negotiate “in good faith” across parliament seeking “common sense, co-operation and compromise” before the bill comes back in February.

The PM has refused to undergo medical treatment, and so, the bill seems doomed, and set to close another chapter in Albanese’s chronicle of broken environmental promises.

REFERENCES:

https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/albanese-intervenes-to-scupper-plibersek-s-negotiations-with-the-greens-20241127-p5kttt.html

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/nov/29/tanya-plibersek-deal-on-nature-laws-was-overruled-by-anthony-albanese

These days, it’s politically incorrect, but is it sexual harassment? 

While female reactions to the problematic wolf whistle vary, it is usually interpreted as having sexual connotations and can be a precursor to seduction.

But wolf whistles are a far cry from gentle persuasive seduction – an unfamiliar art to the usual larrikin whistle perpetrators. 

Some flattery and subtlety could help these red-blooded males in their endeavours with any parties who might show some interest:

Hello there miss. I do apologise for uttering that rather crude whistle, but I must say I find you most attractive.

I particularly admire those voluptuous breasts with that sensational exposed cleavage. Your exquisite legs and curvaceous posterior are made even more alluring by that tight, skimpy dress. You are gorgeous.

I wonder if you would be so kind as to allow me the opportunity of indulging in sexual intercourse with you.

On the other hand, it is not advisable to say, ”Gidday love, how about it?” This could be deemed sexual harassment.

But let’s face it, the intentions are the same, so why does it matter?

This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard this flight of fantasy – the one you booked but didn’t exist. You’ve been ripped off!

Today, we’re doing a consolation tour of Sydney. It’s no secret that we pilots loathe Qantas, so we’re about to do a very low swoop over head office to scare the crap out of management. Hey, that was fun!

Now for some extreme fun, we’ll head to the Harbour Bridge and fly under it, to tarnish the Qantas name. This’ll make international headlines. Phew, that was close! The chandeliers on that cruise ship will be rattling.

If you look out to the right, you’ll see the engine is on fire. That’s the price they pay for maintenance cutbacks. We better head back to the airport. 

I hope you packed your flippers and water wings because the brakes are faulty, and we could overrun the airstrip, ending up in Botany Bay. 

The ‘Spirit of Australia’ could be dead in the water.

REFERENCES:

https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/8785881/qantas-fined-for-selling-seats-on-cancelled-flights

https://www.afr.com/politics/federal/qantas-claims-are-flights-of-fantasy-20231102-p5eh6x

The dinner party hostess offers nibblies to a male guest –

Guest: I checked your kitchen earlier and I am not impressed.

Hostess: How dare you!

Guest: You should be ashamed. Most of these offerings contain unethical palm oil from Malaysia and Indonesia where, you know damn well, the orangutan is seriously threatened because of deforestation for palm oil plantations. 

Hostess: Will you shut up, you warm-fuzzy, leftie, greenie do-gooder.

Guest: You people just want everything to be so nice. You want nice conversation and don’t want to discuss your own complicity in species extinction.

Guests collectively: Groan

Hostess: You are ruining my dinner party.

Guest: Elephants, tigers and rhinos are critically endangered too, you know.

A blow to the head by a large solid silver food platter resulted in hospitalisation of the guest. 

The hostess has been charged with assault.

REFERENCE:

https://www.orangutan.org.au/what-is-palm-oil

For conservation organisations, getting worthwhile commercial TV coverage of major global issues, such as species extinction, must be difficult, because we rarely see any. 

At university, journalists were taught ‘Dog bites man’ is not a news story. ‘Man bites dog’ is.

Obviously, it pays to be different, so how about a new approach in media release writing to get some newsroom attention? An added touch of effrontery, and a threat for good measure, could jolt viewers out of indifference …

RELEASE: ELEPHANT SHOOTS IVORY POACHER

An African savanna elephant has been mysteriously endowed with supernatural self-defence powers. In an incident witnessed by American tourists, the elephant was able to hypnotise an ivory poacher, sending telepathic instructions while bending his rifle shaft up and then backwards. As a result, the poacher blew his own brains out.

Now that we have your attention, we can say this is bunkum, but there are things you should know. 

According to the WWF:

Each year, at least 20,000 African elephants are illegally killed for their tusks. A decade-long resurgence in demand for elephant ivory, particularly in parts of Asia, has fuelled this rampant poaching epidemic. The elephant ivory trade not only threatens the very survival of this iconic species, but causes broader ecological consequences.

The African forest elephant is now listed as critically endangered. The African savanna elephantis also threatened. Numbers have fallen by 86% and 60% respectively. There are now only 415,000 African elephants in the wild.

So, why don’t you – YES, YOU –  face the facts and start thinking beyond your own precious backyard for a change? Start caring about our planet’s precious threatened species and do something useful like supporting a dynamic conservation group such as the WWF.  

If you don’t, a supernatural elephant will arrive in your backyard and make quite a mess.

REFERENCES:

https://www.worldwildlife.org/initiatives/stopping-elephant-ivory-demand

https://www.wwf.org.uk/learn/wildlife/african-elephants