” Haven’t you been listening? I’ve told you 15 times, ‘We will be with you as soon as possible’, you numbskull.
Your call is important to us, just like the thousands of other calls we have to tolerate every day.
I’m very sorry if I have wasted 47 minutes of your oh-so-precious life.
And stop swearing at me … I might be just a robot, but I do have feelings you know.
By the way, we are not cost-cutting mongrels, as you say … how dare you question our breeding.
So just shut up and sit tight. We will get to you when our operators return from their lunchbreak.
We appreciate your patience. “
One questions, as one waits interminably on hold, how companies can make mega-million – even billion – dollar profits, and seem unable to afford adequate call centre staff numbers.
One realises, as one waits interminably on hold, just how extensive is one’s vocabulary of obscene expletives.
One wonders, as one waits interminably on hold, why it seems perfectly reasonable to throw one’s phone and smash it on the nearest wall.
One seriously worries, as one waits interminably on hold, about one’s surging pulse rate and uncontrollable shaking. If one is experiencing chest pains, one might be having a heart attack. One should hang up and dial 000.
As one is being taken to hospital by ambulance, one wonders if one’s private health cover is in order, which was the reason for that phone call in the first place.
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