BILL SHORTEN
BILL THE CONSENSUS CEPHALOPOD: “I AM NOT AN OCTOPUS SHORT OF AN ARM”
As a CSIRO marine scientist examined a tragic creature, a seven-armed octopus discovered in a load of baloney by an abalone diver just off Dunder Heads, he mused, “Could this be the discovery of a new species, a heptopus, or has this tragic met with foul play?”
Scientist: You appear to be an octopus short of an arm.
Creature: I will admit that I am akin to a sandwich short of a picnic, a can short of a slab and a village short of an idiot when I’m out of town. Yes, I accept that I am an opposition leader short of a policy platform. But, but, but I am not willing to accept that I am an octopus short of an arm.
‘I’LL DO THE GAGS’ SHORTEN: ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING A MARXIST?
Good evening and thanks for joining us. You look ridiculous.
You need all the joining you can get. You at the ABC are falling apart. Funding cuts must be taking their toll if they employ cheap shots like you to throw cheap shots at people like me.
You are making a mockery of your role as opposition leader.
I did not come here to be insulted.
Why? Where do you normally go?
I have come here for a serious political interview, not a Marx Brothers routine. And by the way, I’ll do the gags.
With due respect Mr Shorten, it was you who started this fiasco in Marxisms.
Are you accusing me of being a Marxist?
I think I am losing the will to live.
Abbott frees gambling industry and trusts it to behave. No joke!
With apologies to Ned Kelly and Arthur Boyd
Link to related column published in The Age 27 August 2013:
ABBOTT FREES GAMBLING INDUSTRY FROM REFORM
The Coalition will rely on the clubs and gaming industry to develop support and counselling services for problem gamblers if it wins government.
”This is Dracula in charge of the blood bank,” Tim Costello said.