Peter Dutton calls a media briefing. No video or audio allowed – only written notes:
I am here to declare that my much-touted nuclear energy policy is a contrived load of disingenuous nonsense.
My assertion that the cost will be hundreds of billions of dollars less than Labor’s renewables-only approach was a sham. Quite rightly, experts soon realised that my plan is vastly more expensive.
Household electricity bills will not decrease as I said. They will increase, and analysts were quick to prove they would rise by $600 a year, minimum.
Building seven nuclear reactors will take decades longer than I stated. Therefore, Australia’s zero carbon emissions deadline will be delayed by at least 25 years. This is causing huge opposition to my plan, just as I expected.
Federal, state and territory governments would all need to overturn their respective nuclear bans, and the chances of that are miniscule.
So, why did I concoct a deliberately flawed policy? It’s all part of my grand plan:
I want all of you to use this bombshell to smash me like ten-pins in a bowling alley. Then I will play the poor victim, complaining your scathing reports of a backflip are malicious fake news.
If you don’t play ball, I could make your future credibility as journalists very tenuous. Get my message? Get the drift? [Wink, wink]
People will feel sorry for me, for your shabby treatment, and give me their sympathy votes. Before you know it, I will be prime minister.
Fake news, lies, contradictions and confusion, mixed with insanity work brilliantly for my hero, Donald Trump and I’m a shoo-in.
I haven’t even got serious about insanity yet, and I’m already leading the preferred PM polling.
REFERENCE: